Sunday, February 3, 2013

Ten tips for better comic delivery



Last summer I went to the Edinburgh Fringe, a world renowned comedy festival. I watched the semi finals of So you think you’re funny, a high profile competition where fledgling stand up comedians were performing their best seven minutes. Some of the comedians were fantastic, some not so great.  I was struck that many of the comedians were doing very basic things wrong. I noted the most obvious things down and realised that the list is very applicable to stand up generally or any humorous speech.
1. Be politically correct. I was surprised by the number of jokes at the expense of: ethnic minorities, fat people, gay people, disabled people, ugly people, etc. More then half of the competitors picked on at least one these groups making them appear vicious and ignorant. You’re better than that. Distinguish yourself from the other competitors by choosing original subjects or by picking on yourself.
2. The opening is important. The first three sentences should be punchlines. You need to get people laughing straight away. Some of the contestants took far too long to say anything funny and began to lose the audience. You need steady laughs from the beginning. Save the long set ups for later.
3. Pause for laughter. I was amazed at how the comics would start their next joke while the audience was still laughing.  If you do this the audience has to stop laughing so they don’t miss anything! You will give the appearance of reciting a pre-rehearsed monologue rather than reacting to the audience, and you will prevent the laughter gradually building.
It’s better to pause too long as it will give you the appearance of confidence. If you have trouble with pausing then write the word “pause” into your script, or start a new line whenever a pause is merited.
4. Hide your nerves. A lot of the other contestants looked incredibly nervous. If you take steps to hide your nerves you will look better than them. If you know you’re going to shake then leave the mic in the stand and don’t use props (holding a piece of paper at arms length really exacerbates shakiness). Smile. Take your time to acknowledge the host at the beginning and end with a handshake and a smile.
5. Enunciate your punchlines. Speak clearly, especially on the punch. One comedian’s punchline was lost because he slurred his punchline. We weren’t sure if he said “bank director” or “fence erector”.
If your punchline includes difficult to pronounce words, or words with plosives (T, P, B, or D sounds) that may get distorted when spoken into a microphone, then consider swapping out the word.
6. Acknowledging things in the room. This will make you sound more natural and in the moment.
Have a standard funny line for common things that might happen: a glass falling over, a loud noise outside, a mic malfunction, someone walking in late, etc. For example “I’m being heckled by [a glass, a chair, whatever made a noise]”, or “I’m making everything go wrong on purpose so the judges see my vulnerable side”
From the moment you arrive at the venue keep an eye out for things you can mention: the room becoming uncomfortably hot, weird decorations or posters. (At the SYTYF competition there was  an enormous backdrop advertising The Sims – the best comedians acknowledged it).
7. Act out dialogue. When you change characters change the position you’re facing, and change the tone slightly. Consider altering the intensity and facial expression. It makes dialogue more interesting.
8. If you have a joke with several taglines and the punchline falls flat, don’t say the taglines. Just move on. The joke didn’t work. Trying to squeeze a laugh out of it will be excruciating for the audience.
9. Be wary of time. There will probably be a lot more laughter than you anticipated in a large room, so if you’re used to practicing in front of the mirror or at a badly attended open mic then you might go over time. You don’t want to be disqualified because the audience laughed too much! Have a section you can cut, about thirty seconds to a minute long.
10. Don’t do fake audience interaction. Only ask questions to the audience if you’re ready to deal with an unpredictable response. If you force it in, it will look forced in. At the SYTYF competition an act asked an audience member what they did, she embarrassedly responded “I’m one of the judges”. The emcee asked one of the audience members to do something and they flat out refused. You can’t rely on the audience to give you the answer you want.

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It's alright Senorita


It's alright Senorita, Bade Bade Deshon Mein, Aisi Choti Choti Baatein Hoti Rahti Hain." 

"Pyaar zindagi ki tarha hota hai, Jiska her mod aasan nahin hota, Her raste per khushi nahin milti, Per jab hum zindagi ka saath nahin chodte, To hum pyaar karna kyon chodein..." 
pyar dosti hai, agar voh meri sab se achi dost nahin bansakti to mein usse pyar nahin kar sakta, pyar dosti hai" 

"Kuch kuch hota hai Anjali...tum nai sumjho gi"

"Duniya ke kisi kone mein ek aadmi hai jo bahut khush hai... kyun ki tum khush ho..." 

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Famous Ranbir Kapoor dialogues: Rockstar & other movies…


As Ranbir Kapoor’s hatke movie Barfi! releases today we bring you few famous dialogues of Ranbir Kapoor from his previous movies.
Raj Sharma (Ranbir Kapoor)
Mahi (Minissha Lamba)
Gayatri (Deepika Padukone)
Radhika (Bipasha Basu)
Love Jab Hota Hai, Jisko Hota Hai, Duniya Badal Deta Hai!
Kismat achchhi ho toh tumhein woh pyar mil jata hai, ek hi shot mein…
Meri baat aur hai, main toh killer hun, mujhe yeah pyar teen baar mila!
Maahi Amritsar ki sabse romantic ladki, aur hum mile kahan? Do  dilo ka mel, on you rail..


Radhika, Raanchi ki ek small town girl, aur meri living girl friend, cool hai na?

Bipasha Basu with Ranbir Kapoor in Bachna Ae Haseeno movie

Sidharth Mehra (Ranbir Kapoor ) & Konkana Sen Sharma (Aisha Banerjee) meet in a friend’s party for the very first time.
Konkana: Main tumhein koi galat rai nahin dena chahti
Sid: Haan magar idea toh tumhara he tha naa?
Konkana: I know but…main tumhein janti bhi nai hoon?
Sid: Jaanta toh main bhi nai tumhein?
Konkana: Yeah but listen…its not like that I am going to sleep with you?
Sid: Hoh maine kab kaha I want to sleep with you?

Ranbir Kapoor in Wake Up Sid

Konkana: Toh tum karte kya ho waisse?
Sid: Main apne Dad ke paisse karch karta hun. (Says it so innocently)
Konkana: College ke baad kya karoge?
Sid: Aaaaa college ke baad bhi main apne Dad ke paisse karch karoonga.

Konkana Sen Sharma with Ranbir Kapoor in Wake Up Sid movie

Premshankar ‘Prem’ S. Sharma (Ranbir Kapoor) & Jenny Pinto (Katrina Kaif) they cross ways accidently.
Ranbir: Prem Naam Hai Mera Prem Chopra…Prem Naam Hai Mera, Prem Chopra…Hehehe, aati kya Khandala?
Katrina: Ab uss kutte ke liye mujhe Khandala aana padega?
Ranbir: Kutta?

Katrina Kaif With Ranbir Kapoor in Ajab Prem Ki Ghajab Kahani


Another famous Ranbir dialogues from Ajab Prem Ki Ghajab Kahani movie only
Ranbir: Is Bahane Hamari Dosti To Ho Gayi…
Katrina: Wo Kab Huyi…? Tum Bhi Mera Sath Doge…
Ranbir: Hamesha Jenny…No Complaints…No Demands.

One more Ranbir Kapoor dialogue, while looking for office space for their Happy club.
Ranbir: Uncle, iss town ko happy rakhane ke liye hum ek chhota sa ‘Happy Club’ kholna chahte hain. Aap humein do coffin ki jagah de dijiye, hum pancho zinda ussi mein adjust kar leinge.
Katrina & Ranbir in Ajab Prem Ki Ghajab Kahani
Ranbir: Challo khana khatein hain.
Friend: Paisse toh hai nahin?
Ranbir: Arey don’t worry free khayeinge.
Friend 2: Phirr se yahin?
Waiter: Arey aaj phir aa gaye?
Friend: Tameez se baat karo. President aye hain…

Ranbir Kapoor in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani still

Waiter: Arey bol aisse rahe ho desh ke President aye hain?
Friend: Aye ho jayeinge ek din woh bhi ho jayeinge
Friend2: Baat karta hai?
Ranbir: Order le
Friend1: Chaar (4) tandoori chicken
Friend2: Do (2) bheja fry,
Friend3: Ek mutton gravvy
F4: Ek tangar kebab
Ranbir: Arey yaar phir wahi. Kitni baar kaha hai mere saath vegeterian khaya karo.Mujhe chicken aur mutton ki smell se ulti atti hai.


Ranbir Kapoor in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani photo

Friend2: Mr. President majority non-veg. wallon ki hai
Ranbir: Khao paap lagega. Mere liye ek kadhai paneer aur ek daal fry.
Waiter: Nikaalo 1350 Rs.


Ranbir Kapoor in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani dialogue

Ranbir & Friends: Kya khanne ke pehle paisse? Ye kahan ka rule hua bhai?
Ranbir’s Father: Badhiyaa rule hai…aap jaisse muft khoron ke liye banaya hai khaas.

Ranbir Kapoor & father in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani still

Ranbir: Kya hai papa aaj humari halat thodi tight hai…
Father: Papa bete ka rishta ghar mein…dhande mein nahin
Ranbir: Ok, Shivshankar!

Ranbir Kapoor in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani scene

Father: Besharam Baap ko naam se bullata hai?
Ranbir: Papa nai keah sakta. Naam nahin le sakta toh bolon kya?
Father: Tu kuch mat bol. Paisse nikaal.
Ranbir: David, chaabi la.
David: Lekin daddy?
Ranbir: Abbe tere Daddy mahaan insaan hain. Devata samaan hain.
Father: Haan haan main toh rakshas hun?
Ranbir: Aath (eight) lakh ki gaadi hai. Kal paisse deke gaadi leke jaoonga.

Ranbir Kapoor  father in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani still

Father: (Takes the keys) Theek hai sab ko khaana do
Ranbir: Fresh haan. Kal ka bacha khucha nahin. Look kya de rahe ho? Khaana leke aao.

Ranbir Kapoor in Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani photos

Harpreet Singh Bedi (Ranbir Kapor)
Ranbir: Hi, I am Harpret Singh Bedi. Good morning. Good morning. 38% in 10th. 38% in 12th. 39% in B.Com. This is Harpreet Singh Bedi (practicing for an interview while getting ready for the day )
Friend: Tu karega kya? (At a friend’s party)
Ranbir: S.A.L.E.S. (Proudly & confidently)

Another one from charming Ranbir Kapoor
Ranbir: Boss number kam hain. Dimaag nahin.

Can’t afford to miss this Ranbir Kapoor dialogue with one of his prospective clients
Ranbir: “Risk toh Spiderman ko bhi lena padta hai…Main toh phir bhi Salesman hoon” (How true?)

Thoughtful, Ranbir Kapoor dialogue with his khadoos Boss
Ranbir: Business is not a number, business is people…only people!

Ranbir Kapoor in Rocket Singh - Salesman Of The Year

Akash (Ranbir Kapoor) &  Kiara (Priyanka Chopra)
Hilarious dialogues from the movie Anjaana Anjaani between Ranbir and Priyanka


Anjaana Anjaani

Priyanka: Mai apne kapade nahi utarungi. Main tumhari tarah shameless nahi hun…
Ranbir: Yahan 10 km tak kaun hai tumko dekhne wala. Mujhe tumhein waise dekhne mai koi interest nahi hai
Priyanka: aeee watch it aa?
Ranbir: Toh kya kahoon…mujhe tumhe waise dekhne mai bahoot interest hai but I m gonna control myself, happy?


Ranbir Priyanka in Anjaana Anjaani

Ranbir in Rockstar – Rockstar movie of Ranbir Kapoor had brilliant music by music maestro A.R. Rehman in the voice of Mohit Chauhan. Rockstar Ranbir Kapoor went on to receive Best Actor Filmfare Award 2011.
Though there are many catchy & witty dialogues of Ranbir Kapoor in Rockstar movie, sharing few the ones we liked.
Janardan (Ranbir Kapoor) & Heer (Nargis Fakhri)
Ranbir Kapoor to Nargis Fakhri: Matalb mera matlab yeah nahin ki tu koi gandi badsoorat hai. Tu bahaut khubsoorat hai. Beautiful hai. Parr mujhe…

Rockstar Nargis & Ranbir Kapoor dialogues

Nargis: Matalb toh tum piche kyun pade the mere?
Ranbir: Main naa…main naa…nahin bata sakta. Bahaut he pagalpan hai.
Nargis: Well pagalpan toh sabhi karte hain.
Ranbir: Haan, parr tere liye pagalpan hoga class bunk kar lena. Ya gol gappe kha lena itna kar ke sochti hogi, OMG aaj to bahut crazy kar liya maine!

Rockstar Nargis & Ranbir Kapoor funny dialogues

These being our all time favorite Ranbir Kapoor dialogues in Rockstar.
Janardan proposes Heer
Ranbir: Heer, hi! Janardan JJ for short. Baat karni hai…(with lots of style & attitude)
Nargis: Kiss bare mein?
Ranbir: Actually tu naa badi cool lagati hai mujhe. Yeah kehna tha. Aur hot bhi kitni hai tu. Kamaal combo hai naa? Hot cool same time…

Rockstar Ranbir Kapoor

Nargis: Anything else? (Getting irritated)
Ranbir: Haan, I love you. Girlfriend bann jaa meri. (Just note his voice tone here)
Nargis: Tumhein dikh raha hai, yeah log hass rahein hain tum parr?
Ranbir: Sirf tu dikh rahi hai mujhe.
Nargis: Main dikh rahi hoon…right? Toh gaur se dekho mujhe…bugger off. (Totally blown off)
Ranbir: Tu aur main rock karr deinge. Soch karr dekh?
Nargis: Hey are you stupid?

Rockstar Nargis & Ranbir Kapoor

Ranbir: No, only crazy for you baby.
Nargis: Ok, enough. Just get lost for now.
Ranbir: Sure?
Nargis: Sure…I am…I am sure? Ek second sochne do mujhe…haan I m sure. You idiot niklo yahan se.
Ranbir: Tu mera dil todd rahi hai, Heer.
Nargis: Sunno tummmmm


Rockstar - Nargis & Ranbir Kapoor

Ranbir: JJ
Nargis: Doobra shakal matt dikhana. Samjhe tum?
Ranbir: Pucca, sure?
Nargis: Bugger off
Ranbir: Ok….ok
(Returns to canteen)
Rockstar movie Ranbir Kapoor

Ranbir: Itni si chatni mein do samose khaoon main? Aur lao.

Rockstar Ranbir Kapoor in canteen

KhatanaBhai: Mazak chal raha hai yahan parr?
Ranbir: Kya bataon kaissa laga mujhe jab ussne kaha burger off. Iska toh matlab bhi nai pata mujhe.
Khatana Bhai: Bahaut he halka adami hai tu. Chi chi chi. Abbe dil tota hota toh yahan baith ke samose kha raha hota? Chatani ki ladayaan karr raha hota? Halak se niwala nahin utarta haftonn takk. Shiddat honi chaye pyar mein. Dard hona chaheye. Yeah koi pyar vyar nai hai…dil ka tottna nai hai…cccha pann hai yeah. Drama hai.

Rockstar Ranbir Kapoor & Khataanbhai in canteen


Ranbir: Toh kya karoon main? Kaisse main…? (And finishes off his samosas) :):) :)
Which dialogues of Ranbir Kapoor are your favorite?

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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

On Laughter


One of my idols in life, the great Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh aka Osho, had once advised us to ‘Be a joke unto yourself.’ He had also said, that Buddha had once said, that we should ‘Be a light unto yourself.’ But then, according to Osho, what can one do with a light? Light a cigar?
Having started as a humor blogger, and usually getting comments in the brotherhood of ‘LOL and Hahahaha’ I actually find the prospect of writing this post very interesting. (Unfortunately, not hilarious.) During that time, my entire philosophy of writing was this- “if internally, a thought produces laughter in me then it must be funny.” A couple of years later, after a few personal upheavals when I looked at these posts with a straight face and realised how grandly I had wasted my hours constructing these ‘punches’, I felt disgusted with myself. The only thing that felt like a ‘punch’ then, was the blow on my self confidence.
What I do find funny though, about that phase was how grandly I promoted the blog. (Even something very unrelated as a radio community on orkut would have a post called- Check out my humor blog!) Also, as a writer who wanted to grow I decided that I must take inspiration from American and British sitcoms. How sad it was for me to not get their jokes at that time.
Nostalgia aside, laughter in my present life is incredibly hard to come by (maybe it is just my narcissism which wants to see people laugh than laugh myself). Still, if I were to prepare a list of things I find funny, then this would be it.
      1. It is there in the cry of the enemy. (Making a comeback to an insult, this too me is the best form as you are laughing at the same person who once laughed at you.)
      2. It is there in the shared sense of serendipitous connection from a friend. (The other day, I was talking to a friend online and we were both watching Mohra on Zee Cinema. I chuckled at how psychedelic it was.)
      3. It is there in sarcasm, unexpected surprises, appropriate suggestive message in response to a suggestive message, and last but not the least- it is there in dreams of sunshine where life would not be so dark as it is now.
That is all.


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Tere account mein abhi kitne hai?


Before, coming to Manipal- I was never into asking for money. But, somehow the culture has seeped into me after coming here. It’s unavoidable. I have however tried to keep my udhaari circle (not to be confused with friend circle)down to a few people only.
Anyways, here are a few sentences that I hear often. This post will help me capture the essence of my financial crisis when I am out of this place, and god willing am self or wife dependent for monetary issues. Each sentence tells a story.
Woh bhi humari tarah hi hai. Pata chala- mere se hi maang liya.
Maang toh sakta huu. Par achcha nahi lagta. Kabhi maange nahi pehle.
Usse toh abhi maange thhe. Abhi uske paas bhi nahin honge.
Tere kab aa rahe hai?
Mere monday ko aa rahe hain, uske baad main return kar dunga. 
Saale ko 300 rupai diye the, abhi tak waapis nahi aaye. 
Usse main tabhi maangta huu, jab bilkul unavoidable situation aa jaati hai. 
Usko maine past mein itna diya hai, ab mana nahi kar sakta. 
Oye, aaj main apne account pe tere ko khilva deta huu. Tuu food court ke bajaai, mujhe paise de de. 
And, after all this:
Mummy, aap paise nahin bhejogi toh main udhaari leke arrange kar lunga. Par, aap hi ne sikhaaya tha ki kabhi kisi se kuch bhi maangna nahi chahiye. Usse garibi aati hai. Abhi aap 1000 dalva do. Agle mahine utna kam dalva dena. 

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2 States (Dilemma Solved in under 500 words)


There is an Indian writer who wrote a book, about how it is very difficult in India to marry someone from outside your state. Now I say, it is difficult only if you think it is difficult. The dilemma is not even there. (Also, if you didn’t already notice, I am here to bring about a change in the mindset of the Indian youth.) Here are the three steps of action, you need to take:-
1.) The Threat
Take your Mom to one side. And say gravely, looking right into her eyes:
“Mummy, dekho aapko toh maaloom hi aaj kal kitne log bhaagke shaadi kar rahe hain..”
Your Mom, would most probably say: “Tum kehna kya chahte ho beta?”
2.) Argue
Take a more friendlier tone now,
“Mom, main yahi kehna chahta huu ki aapne mujhe jis school me bheja, usme kitne log humare state ke the? Aapne mujhe jis society mein rakha, usme kitne log humare state ke the? Ab jab meri shaadi ki function hogi, toh usme aisa kaise hoga ki sab log mere state ke hi rahein?”
If you want to add more drama to this, you can become Nana Patekar and say,
“Yeh dekho, yeh hain khoon ke do samples. Isme se aap batao, ki kaunsa sample, kis state ka hai?”
3.) Have your defense ready for the worst:
Now, the biggest threat your Mom could give here is:
“Agar tumhara yahi marzi hain, toh iss ghar ke darwaaze tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band ho jayenge.”
To which you will say, in a sweet voice,
“Mummy, main jaanta huu maa ka dil kitna bada hota hai. Aap ke do hi bete hain. Jyada se Jyada aap mere se ek saal ke liye naaraaz reh sakti ho. Aapne hi toh sikhaaya tha mujhe, “Ki Kupooto jayi ta, kadichapi kumaata na bhavati.” (Sons can be bad, but mother can never be bad.) Jyaada se jyaada do saal aap naaraz rahogi, fir kaai ke liye faaltu ka bad blood.”
4.) Be ethical:
Now, I understand how nature works. God is watching, and he’ll not bless your marriage if you do not take blessings from parents. So, for the final nail in the coffin, you must say these lines to your Mom:
“Mummy, dekho agar aap aashirwaad nahin dete ho toh main bhaag ke shaadi karne hi wala huu.. Lekin, bina aapke aashirwaad ka divorce hone ka chances hai.. aur usse bhi worse, kahin mere ya mere wife ke health pe aapki buri nazar pad gayi toh kitne saare logon ko dard pahunchega.. Ab aap hi soch lo?”
Anyways, that’s it. Happy Married Life!

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Thursday, January 3, 2013

Made in India – Funny Short Story


A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Delhi and asked to be taken to the international  air port.
On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, “Ohhh! TOYOTA!! Made in Japan!! Very fast!”
Not too long afterward, another car flew by the taxi. “Ohh! NISSAN!! Made in Japan!! Very fast!”
Yet another car zipped by, and the tourist said, “Ohh! Mitsubishi!! Made in Japan!! Very fast!”
The taxi driver, who was 100% Indian, was starting to get a little annoyed that the Japanese made cars were passing his Taxi, when yet another car passed the taxi as they were turning into the airport. “Ohh! Honda!! Made in Japan!! Very fast!”
The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, “That’ll be Rupees 500.”
“Rupees 500? It was so short a ride! Why so much?”
The Taxi driver replied ”Taxi meter. Made in India . Very fast.”

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